Red Fringe Vibes

Guess who's been crazy busy? We have! My friend was in-town. Grandfather sick in the hospital, blog stuff, my 2K giveaway ( which I announced yesterday). Just busy me. So I'm dropping today's post with only a letter attached to it. A letter I wrote to myself. I sometimes do that when I need to get things out. Unfiltered. Hope you enjoy and can relate:

12/5/2015 11:00 pm

Hi. I'm Chantele.

My friends call me Telly. I have passions for things so deeply they consume all thought. Things like friendships, love, family..life. I felt the burst to write. Write what I'm feeling. I'm feeling more nostalgic than ever these days. Thinking about friendships that once so strong. Now that have died a slow and agonizing death. Which at present, still on life support. But I don't have the courage or will to pull the plug. Only to pretend it's not there. Dying. I have a roller-coaster attached to my heart now. Highs and lows. Like waves building strong and then descending until the beachy sand. Where just for that moment I feel at peace. I feel one with self. I think the biggest battle these days is trying to figure myself out. My wants and needs out of life. So I can make this light skin girl happy. Content, more importantly. That is a weapon I often leave unattended. Why is it I can look straight upon the beautiful garden in front of me and still notice a rose is missing? Why is it that I can possess the very things in life I want and desire, have the very best friends but still ache for the ones I lost? You have to know I romanticize things. People, the past, etc. Which oddly it wasn't all that great. So now I'm looking at a beautiful garden called life at present and thinking about a rose that was never a rose in the first place. Sure I lost some people these past few years. Some to death. Some to life. To be honest it all freaks me out. I'm growing up and watching things grow and die. It's sobering.Most people don't focus on that fact. But I do. Think it has a lot to do with wanting to be prepared. I hate not being prepared. Being caught off guard. So not only do I like to live in reality. I’m also currently residing in the future. Now that isn't even possible! But somehow I Manage.That's what makes me crazy. I’m letting go, holding on all while looking ahead. That just won't cut it for me anymore. I have to be at peace. I have to let things be. AND both accept my realities and my limitations. Really accept them. Or I’ll lose it. And I can't afford anymore damage upstairs. I have to live those cliches : “ Let Live.” “Carpe Diem” “ What will be will be.” I think I’m up for the challenge…

Telly out.